I am SO almost done.

As you may or may not know, I have had a HECK of a time planning my road trip itinerary. (And by 'a heck of a time,' I mean, 'I haven't even looked at a map yet, but I'm pretty sure New Orleans is near Memphis and that both of those are near Austin, so right away it's all looking pretty good.') But part of the reason I haven't really 'touched' the itinerary yet is because I've commissioned Map Wizard Dusty to help me, and he lives in OKC. So of course I have to wait to tackle this project until we can get together. Plus I like to plan things on the fly. It lends an element of excitement, nausea, and panic that really gets me going. Some people do drugs: I procrastinate.

The downside to waiting for The Dusty Hour (Dusty, I apologize in advance that 'The Dusty Hour' now means 'The Very Last Possible Second') to plan is that you--yes, you, and don't hide behind your curtains, I know you're there--will get approximately... * 45 seconds * notice before I knock on your door demanding a free meal and a couch to crash on. But I'll also come armed with a six-pack (of Diet Coke, Mom), so we'll still be friends.

But just in case Dusty figures out who the AntiChrist is in the next 48 hours and gets himself martyred (sidebar: does one 'get' martyred? Is that just my inner okie speaking again? Professor Gray, please to clarify), I've got a back-up plan!: The Pioneer Woman's book tour. That's right. SHE PUT IT ONLINE JUST SO I COULD FOLLOW HER. It's SO obvious. I mean, LOOK at it: she planned her tour for the EXACT same dates as my road trip, and starting it from the same place I'm starting mine. Coincidence? Methinks not. I'll be verifying her need for me when I show up at the Tulsa signing with my handmade 'I heart Ree' tee shirt and start licking her new cookbook. I think I'll buy eighty copies JUST BECAUSE I CAN. Plus in the length of time it will take her to sign all of them, I'll be able to hide away in her luggage.

p.s. Once, when Dusty and I were super-popular thirteen-year-olds, we made a three-dimensional map of Middle Earth for an English project. It was fantastic. We made trees out of toothpicks and dyed-green cotton balls, and tin foil rivers, and crusty clay Misty Mountains, all to scale. I know. Our awesomeness blows my mind, too. I hope that we approach my road trip map in a similar fashion, as I like to 'conceptualize' journeys before I take them. And then when I'm on the road, I'll be able to instruct my navigating passengers to look in the backseat to find out how close we are to our destinations: 'Do you see that brown foil strip? That's the Mississippi. I think we just crossed it. Now look for New Orleans. No, no, it's marked by a string of beads. Do you see it? How close are we? NO, I don't need to turn on my GPS. I've got this MAP.'

I do NOT procrastinate.

So far this morning (it is currently 9:17) I have done the following:

-folded all the laundry that was hanging on drying racks throughout the flat and put it away,
-ironed,
-descaled the kettle (by the way, Oust is a MIRACLE worker!),
-pulled out all the drawers in the refrigerator, emptied them, sprayed them down, wiped them out, and then realized that just wasn't going to be enough, so then banished them to the dishwasher,
-pulled out the racks in the oven, sprayed them, wiped them down, and put them in the dishwasher with the refrigerator drawers just to teach them a lesson,
-ran the dishwasher on its 'mega-nuke' setting (which means the cycle should be done sometime next week, and everything inside should have been burned to a sanitary crisp), and
-made that quiche that I had planned to make last night.

So now I'm sitting down with my second cup of coffee and my book, debating about what I should have for breakfast (part of that quiche? greek yogurt and honey? scrambled eggs and toast? all of the above?), and thinking about sitting out in the early morning sun for a little while. LATER I'll start on my portfolio...

HERE I AM!

When I first sat down to this post, I thought, 'I wonder if people think that I've fallen off the face of the earth or died or something?' Then I thought, what if I WERE dead?? Nobody would know! Should I prepare a post-mortem post for a close friend or family member to put on my blog on my behalf after I'm gone?? What would I say? What would my Facebook status be and who would change it for me? Should it be 'Sharona is...no longer inhabitating this earthly realm'? Is that too obscure? Does it just sound like I'm high? Maybe I should I be witty about the whole matter: 'Sharona is...preparing a lightning bolt with your name on it.' Will people post loving farewell comments? Will they say a word about me at my upcoming high school reunion? As I started to sniffle over my loss, I suddenly thought, 'What is WRONG with me?'

Less related to death:

My boxes finally arrived from San Francisco. I am alarmed to find that I packed three jars of organic peanut butter and two large costco-sized containers of tylenol p.m. As a friend says, 'That's a helluva sandwich.' On the bright side, the winter is now going to FLY by.

So far London hasn't been as rainy as expected. It's cloudy every day, to be sure; the sun a darting mistress, but in terms of wetness, I've had to open my umbrella a mere half dozen times in the past three months--always on a Saturday afternoon and always when I want to take a photograph of something. The rain has not yet been combined with a blustery gale, which is a small but appreciated blessing having dealt with the sideways-rain of San Francisco on many saturated occasions. When I express this 'dryer-than-expected' sentiment at parties, however, I am always warned: 'You haven't seen January or February yet!' So I am NATURALLY looking forward to that. I will let you know how it is in t-minus-two days.

'How are you finding London so far?' is the number one question I am asked--by curious Londoners, by American ex-pats, by anyone and everyone I meet, from the line at the cafe to the holiday dinner party. I struggle with this one on many levels. If I sing the city's praises ('I love it! There are endless places to go and see and so many restaurants I want to try!') I end up sounding a bit delirious. So to lend some sincerity to the sentiment, I feel the need to express a 'point of struggle.' Most people expect the weather to be the most difficult acclimation, so I stick with that: 'But the cold! I am having a terrible time getting used to the cold!' As a result of this bizarre dance this question always puts me to, I am beginning to wonder, how DO I find London? And how should I best answer this question? Perhaps literally is the way: 'Using the tube map. And you?'

I'm off to develop the photos from the week I just spent in the fairy tale that is Scotland...land of castles, pints, and grazing sheep. None of which I actually photographed.